Confidential Business Proposal (Craig’s entry to WS)
Guest Post by White Trash
LAGOS, NIGERIA.
ATTENTION: GOOD AND HONORABLE CRAIG THORNLEY
DEAR SIR,
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER MY ENTRY INTO THE 2010 WESTERN STATES ENDURANCE RUN INTO YOUR POSSESSION. THE ABOVE ENTRY RESULTED FROM AN ARRANGEMENT EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR NAMED THE HONORABLE MR TIM TWEETMIER. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE ENTRY HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT AN ACCOUNT AT ULTRASIGNUP DUE TO ONGOING CIVIL WAR.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE ENTRY OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO ENTER THIS EVENT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM FOR OUR ARRANGEMENT WITH HONORABLE MR TWEETMIER WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: FOREIGN ENTRY FEE FOR US, ENTRY FOR YOU AND PAYMENT FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER. OUR ENTRY FEE FOR YOU TO REIMBURSE FOR A SPOT IN THE 2010 WESTERN STATES IS ONLY $2,000 (TWO THOUSAND) USD.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:
(A) YOUR BANKER’S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.
(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS — FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.
(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.
ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.
PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.
BEST REGARDS
25 Responses to “Confidential Business Proposal (Craig’s entry to WS)”
October 7, 2009 at 5:00 am
Now you have totally outdone yourself! And just think how many other African and Asian governments are in the same position as Nigeria. Ultimately, methinks trafficking in WS entries could replace drugs and oil as the keys to survival in the Third World.
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October 7, 2009 at 5:38 am
WT, thanks for forwarding this incredible opportunity to me. I have sent in my check and all the required information. I expect by Nov 7 I will have secured my entry. What a gift! Wonder why they picked me?
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October 7, 2009 at 7:50 am
I call fake. The spelling is WAY too accurate.
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Craig Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 9:21 am
@sc, No. It has to be real. I sent them my money. They’ve got spell checkers in Nigeria too. WT, tell me sc isn’t right.
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whitetrash Reply:
October 7th, 2009 at 9:32 am
@Craig, WT here. My Nigerian source tells me this is legit. Not only that, I think I might be able to get an extra slot through the Spanish Lottery and my good and honorable amigo Basura Blanco. Available to first person with valid banking information.
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October 7, 2009 at 9:32 am
Freaking hilarious (and creative).
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October 8, 2009 at 10:06 am
You poor guys.
I now understand why AJW suggested earlier in the year some type of reasonable entry barrier, like that entrants should have already completed at least one 100 mile race.
After half a year of thinking about that idea, it actually sounds like a rather tame, and reasonable, suggestion.
Another running friend of mine told me that, a few years ago, the number of entrants in the lottery gave her a 1 in 3 chance of being picked.
Maybe this year it will be 1 in 10?
Best of luck to all of you in getting in, if you are not already in by previous accomplishments.
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Craig Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 11:57 am
@Robert Blair, Just looked at the list and there are 1309 names. Difficult to calculate exactly what the odds are, but assuming all the TTLs and other automatics (about 200?) are on that list we can subtract them. So, 1109 entries for about 200 spots? Still about 2 in 10. My Nigerians better come through for me.
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Robert Blair Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
1. Funny on the Nigerian comment.
2. In my 1 chance in 10 guestimate, I was assuming that by the time midnight, 10/15/09 rolls around there would be about 2,000 listed.
On the WS100 website it seemed that 83 runners had entry into 2010 through “two time lottery loser” status?
I figured 369 (that’s the limit , isn’t it?), less 83, less 20 more for this year’s WS top 10s. That made 266 left, less qualifiers through other races, I figured down to 200 spots left?
Then as you say, take 200 away from the number of names listed. My guess is 2,000 when all is done.
1,800/200.
So, a 1 in 9 chance? I know the numbers are just guesses until the entry period ends.
A 1 in 9 chance…Hmm….I’m looking forward to being in good shape to be a pacer in the races for the next two years for anyone that’ll have me, and being ready to roll in 2012! Yahoo!!!!!
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October 8, 2009 at 11:30 am
1. I’m so pleased that you found a way to get in that doesn’t involve running so fast. We older runners have rights too!
2. WHY IS THIS PERSON YELLING AT YOU?
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Craig Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 11:36 am
@OD,
1. Are you going to fess up and admit you thought this was real? While you’re at it maybe you can tell us how much money you’ve actually given to the Nigerians over the years?
2. They are really excited to make this offer?
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MonkeyBoy Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
@OD, why is he yelling? why is he yelling?
there. i wrote it twice. i forgot which one of your eyes actually works. i wanted to give you two chances to see it.
It’s States…Man.
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OD Reply:
October 12th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
@MonkeyBoy, at least I got two legs!
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Craig Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
@OD, I guess it is possibly the Nigerians are yelling because they think I only have one ear. Could happen.
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October 8, 2009 at 6:37 pm
It took me about half way through the letter to figure out that this was not real-Holy#@$% that is funny.
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Cougarbait Reply:
October 8th, 2009 at 7:45 pm
@Drama Queen, You mean it took half way to realize that it was a fake, fake letter rather than a real fake letter?
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whitetrash Reply:
October 9th, 2009 at 8:32 am
@Drama Queen, DQ, you- my good and honorable friend, are in luck! I know a guy who just told me that his friend from ghana was scuba diving and came across a shipwreck off the coast of South Africa, and in the treasure chest he found an entry to the 2010 Western States! What a coincidence, huh! Anyway, he’s having trouble getting his stuff through customs because the customs official requires a bribe. He thinks that $3,500 USD would probably work, and since he’s not a runner he would gladly give you his entry so that he can keep all the other treasure. Could you help him out DQ? If so, send banking info ASAP! If my ghanaian friend does not pay his bribe soon, they may take all his loot, and torture him too.
WT
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Drama Queen Reply:
October 10th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
@whitetrash, You should write childrens books WT. $3500 is a pretty heavy price….hmmmmm
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October 9, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Very funny Mr. Thornley!
Shannon
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October 10, 2009 at 5:03 pm
WT- Brilliant! How do I get my banking info to Basura Blanco for that Spanish spot?
Good luck in the lottery, all.
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October 13, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Because it is oh so related to this post, but more because Craig is running one of the best blogs, and people just keep posting to this entry until Craig gets another one out there, I thought I’d share a quote attributable to, I believe, Teddy Roosevelt, that I heard on a PBS documentary on the National Parks last night.
“Wilderness is not redeemed by man. Man is redeemed by wilderness.”
I think that many of us can probably relate to this quote. Yes, men and women, we, are redeemed by wilderness.
Although someone is bound to add that in Craig’s case, and I mean this in all sincerity, wilderness is indeed redeemed by man, at least a couple of times a year, when Craig and crew get out the chainsaws, and what is it, that slingblade, to clear the trails before the Where’s Waldo 100K every year.
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Craig Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
@Robert Blair, The “slingblade” is euphemistically known as the misery whip. Ask Derek Snelling about the misery part. I think he still has bad dreams about the 22-hour day he spent with the thing.
Got a couple of posts in the works… Maybe we need a guest post from you? You are the third most active commenter in the last 90 days. Watch out, AJW and Cougarbait, the Blairman is coming…
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October 13, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I’m with Shannon. Very funny and clever Mr. Thornley! (the good son).
mom
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Craig Reply:
October 13th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@mom from Cool, Thanks to you and Shannon, but I can’t take the credit for this. It was the good and honorable part-time Oregonian known as White Trash who crafted the letter. It’s pretty obvious that the man has connections. It pays to work at the town dump.
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October 13, 2009 at 1:18 pm
First, as is often said, with reference to no one but myself, and it is painful to admit but, quantity is not alway synonymous with quality.
Second, as prolific as I can be under certain circumstances, I don’t think AJW or Cougarbait have anything to worry about.
Third, about that guest post, that may be a long time coming, but maybe after I finish the Chimera 100 miler in December, particularly if there is sleet or snow. It ought to be a memorable run.
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